Dissertation

I've finally found the time to put my MA Dissertation on the internet. To view it please go to http://laurabean123.wordpress.com/

As always I'm looking for input...

Some Baby Seeds

... are being planted in my bored little brain. Ideas are there that are so new, so fragile, that everytime I try to discuss them with someone they shatter in my hands and become banal and nothing worth uttering. Yet the desire to start working again keeps on niggling.

Living with Stevie obviously has an affect on me because I have started to research fairy stories again... no I take that back... maybe it is a combination of Stevie and this time of year - I have just realised that this is also what I was working on this exact time last year, with Stevie, for the group show at college. Ah how the past comes around and around and around.

Stevie and I started a project for the group show where I re-appropriated newspaper stories into allegorical tales using the language of fairy tales. It was for an audience of one at a time and also had an accompanying shadow play that Stevie designed... some of these ideas are obviously still floating in freeplay with me.

I recently went to the Press night of Cinderella at the Lyric! Wow! I was really in love with the show - possibly just my sick little brain, but I found this version, with the direction and the Grimm's writing far more enchanting and christmasy than the 'traditional' version with a fairy godmother. It was dark and magical all in one go - if it wasn't advertised as a kids show I would have been demanding that the dark nature be pushed even further... after all fairy tales were originally meant for adults. Funnily enough I met Liz, who played Cinderella, a couple of months ago at a Devoted and Disgruntled night at Shunt. That was an added bonus.

So - that is some stuff that is at the root of my shattering ideas... here are a few more:

"I had to produce a discourse that would be readable only for those who would make their own translation from the point of view of their own adventure." (The Emancipated Spectator: Ranciere, 2007)

"I wanted to write a story that would feel, to the reader, like something he or she had always know. Something familiar, even if the elements were as original as I could make them." (Neil Gaiman in this artical)

Reacently, walking home from work I heard someone shouting my name .. turned around and saw an almighty chunk of my past standing at London Bridge station. One of those people who you fall out with under awful, hurtful, hateful circumstances, eight years ago, but still think about them all the time; never expecting or wanting to see them again. One of those people that you imagine, if you ever saw them again you would probably just blank them and say, "I'm sorry do I know you!?" before sharply turning around and running away... wishing that you had just said "Sorry".

In one swift, totally unexpected movement, I was hugging her and was so happy that our paths had crossed on a day when she hadn't even entered my head. All the anger that I think we both thought would be felt just wasn't there and an agreement was made that enough water had been passed under that bridge for it to be built again... so we are going for a drink tomorrow... and I remembered a fairy story that has been lost, that we wrote together as teenagers.

As We Speak...

I am sat behind a reception desk... earning money. Unable to get a full time job I have resigned myself to sporadic temp work, to pay the rent, only to realise I never wanted a full time job in the first place - no wonder I didn't get one. But my bills are mounting, christmas is coming and my placement is ending. I am obsessed with all the wrong things. No new work on this horizon.

As we speak... the sentence "It is the power that each of us possesses in equal measure to make our own way in the world... She participates in the performance if she is able to make her own story from the story in front of her" (The Emancipated Spectator, Ranciere: 2007) goes round and round my head... I'm doing what now in the world?

Realising that choices are hard work and I'm not putting enough of it in; the new year approaches and I will be a little clieched and resign myslef to a new beginning... maybe I will start that early.

The Art of Taking Tea Continues...

I have my first out-of-college performance coming up for 'The Art of Taking Tea'. I will be performing at Southwark Playhouse as part of their Secrets programme on the 4th of November 1.15pm.

The programme is perfect for 'TATT' as the £5 entry fee includes sandwiches and cups of... yes you guessed it.. tea!! I'm really excited about it but have lots of work still to do. The performance will take place in their bar area which has a really lovely atmosphere but there is a serious lack of lighting and set available to me. 

I'm desperately trying to get them to let me in and see what I will have so that I can re-write the piece but between my lack of steady schedule at the moment and their uber workload we aren't getting that far :o) I'm sure that it will be fine and am currently turning my living room into picnic areas and will shortly be forcing Sally and Stevie to help me adapt things! mwahaha

It is really nice after having a break from the performance to start to look at it again and see how it has evolved and changed. What its influences are now and how that is feeding into the work away from college.

I have a feeling that it is going to turn into a very quiet intimate piece that talks about experience in a more subdued way... but who knows - and that is the fun part. xx

Duckie!!

It's been a while since I've updated my blog and thought that it was about time I cracked on and sorted some stuff out.

I've got so much to write about that I'm not sure where to start so thought that the best place would to be with my most recent performance... for Duckie.  Harriet was asked to do a performance there as part of the club night and asked me if I'd like to co-perform it with her - and of course I said yes!!

It was a really amazing experience. It was the first time that I've ever performed in a club and have to say I was really nervous at first, but after my first couple of participants I got the bug! Although Harriet and I had agreed to have a break after half an hour and stop the work at 1:30am we didn't break and worked past 2am!!

I think that sometimes I forget how much I get out of performing other people's work without being a collaborator. It is so nice to have the experience of the work without having the investment of it being your own creation. I feel like it allows for a step back and a true insight into how other practitioners work... which is always helpful! Plus it is a welcome break from my own work at the moment!

I met some amazing people at Duckie and had some very interesting conversations. I have to say that it is my favourite out of all Harriet's performances thus far. It was really neat and the space was controlled and utilised so well (also thanks to Andy Mitchelson). Very simple, very effective.

It's Getting Closer!! *eeee*

The show is fast approaching (far too quickly for my liking) so have uploaded a few images to show you all what I have been up to! For anyone who knows me-I know that you're going to laugh your asses off at the first photo. :o)

I have to say Health and Safety in the college has been a pain in the bum this week - but it has actually been quite good for me. I have had to stabilise my tables and make them into a stage, as well as cleaning and stabilising my benches so I can walk on them.

 I came on this course saying that I wanted to learn the practicalities of putting on your own work. I don't feel like I have been doing that as yet. So meeting Steve our technician has been fantastic! I have been drilling, hammering and sanding away. Dave our lighting guy has also been fantastic helping me puting up my lights, teaching me about colours and helping with careers advice in the process. I finally feel like I am doing what I came here to do.

Anywhoo - I'm scarily still script writing!! I changed my writing style this week which is good and bad. I have returned to my old style of writing which I am inspired by - but it has set me back a bit in the process... where there's a will there's a way... I hope.

This was my first day having costume, set and lights all good to go. I'm ACTUALLY working in a black box studio... A week to go and for the first time I am fully equipt! LOVE IT!

I am also really excited by seeing that the Tea Appreciation Society are advertising my show for me! Yeeha! 

And thanks once again to Harriet for documenting my rehearsal for me!

Tea Appreciation Society

Well... Today I joined 273 other people and became an official member of the Tea Appreciation Society! I have received a lovely hemp shopping bag - ideal for props as well as shopping me thinks! Two special teabags of Rooibos tea (I shall save them for a special occasion), two I heart tea stickers, a tea appreciation badge, a welcome letter and my official membership certificate complete with personal number! 

The Tea Appreciation Society was originally set up by designers but their website says that they are largely made up artists, musicians, photographers and other creative type who also love tea! Their website is well worth checking out as is their blog - lots of activity going on around tea! :o)

I have emailed them today to see whether anybody would like to come and see the show, or whether it is possible for them to advertise my show at all. They sound like an ideal audience to me and would love to meet more tea fanatics! 

What a good day!

Oxford Tea and Rubbish Landlords

The fact that my landlord is a pain in the bum has nothing much to do with this post - except I wanted to rant about it so slipped it into the title, and I'm sure that over a cup of tea tonight Stevie and I will rant about that... A LOT! hehe

Anyway back to the show which is rapidly approaching... I have been baking with tea, researching tea, joining the tea appreciation society! I now have a director for my show which is proving to be a HUGE help. I have met with Doug and sorted out how to do the sound cues, and sharing the lighting with Sally (floor plan to be produced tomorrow if all goes well). I have been surfing the net for tea blogs (of which there are a lot) and ordering tea props for the show... man it has been a bit crazy! 

I'll blog more on the practical side of things later as I get the show up on its feet this week with Maike Hale-Jones my marvellous director who I met with last week. Maike is proving to be a great person to work with - she has loads of ideas and comes from a live art / theatre background that is the same as my own, so we have very similar taste and opinions on performance - only Maike has the advantage of having an outside eye with training as a director! I showed Maike the video of the scratch performance and the first thing that she picked up on was the pace, delivery, and static nature of the material which was brilliant as they are the areas that I know need working on. 

I have already changed the delivery of the show, which works well with how Maike saw it becoming a bit more energetic - anyway we shall see... I kind of need to finish the script! HA!

I realised this week that I haven't actually had tea with people that I know! So I set off to Oxford and shamelessly begged everyone I know to turn up and have tea with me. I had tea with lots of old friends which was great to catch up. It was also interesting to see how different the conversations were. My friends know me and my relationship to my Grandma so were able to relate to me on a different level. When I have had tea with strangers the focus was much more on them and what they wanted to tell me, whereas with my friends it was more about me and how I feel about the project. Analysing what I've learnt, and my relationship to my Gran. It was great because I didn't need to spend time going into any background stuff - it was all already there.

turns out that Brad (above) doesn't like tea if any of you are wondering about the Grolsh can in the tea mug! 

After having tea with friends individually everyone kindly agreed to drink EVEN more tea and have a group tea. It was great to have more than one person there as it meant that I didn't need to do as much work in the conversation but could observe a lot more. We kept it all girls as I felt I wanted to get the 'gossip' angle... and gossip we did. 



After girlie tea - I went and had tea with some of my friends parents... yes by this time I did have a tea baby in my belly! They are all people that I have known for a few years now - it was great to get the perspective of people from my parents generation on the project whilst already having knowledge of me and my family.  

It was a lot of tea this weekend! Fun though :o)

Some References

I have been thinking recently about other types of work that I really like apart from performance. Appearing in the list were things such as, documentaries like 'Tribal Wives' , films like 'Priscilla Queen of the Desert', and books by Dave Gorman and Danny Wallis, which has made me consider how these interests are affecting my work. 

The main thing that I think attracts me to certain works is when they are about journeys. There is something about watching, reading, or hearing about someone's journey that I find really fascinating. Looking specifically at Dave Gorman and Danny Wallis (who I know aren't everyone's taste); I really like reading their books because they appear so pointless! They set themselves the stupidest set of rules, with no real point to them; they are not aiming to discover some hidden truth or make a comment on anything overtly political, but the set of self-imposed rules then sets in motion an unforeseen chain of events.

More than anything, the most interesting thing about these journeys and unforeseen events, is the people that they meet along the way; the different ways of living, the different stories that every person has to tell. What is it about this that is so interesting? 

Writing my dissertation I spent a lot of time excavating why the notions behind 'liveness' are so important. I have come to the conclusion that there are a lot of presuppositions underpinning this notion; notions of authenticity, community, and presence, based on the fact that it is happening in the 'now', that don't hold that much water any more in the wake of Auslander's writing. Writing my dissertation has made me realise why I create performance. It isn't so much the fact that it is happening in the 'now' that gives performance a sense of authority and worth over other mediaitised forms and this is why I choose to create it, but that I personally like communicating to a group of people in this manner. I think that I like performing and telling a narrative to people who are in front of me, seeing their reaction and perhaps having a discussion with them. This isn't to say that there aren't other ways of achieving this - just performance is my preferred method.

Looking back to my work and Organic Theatre, I am realising that it is once again the process that is prevailing in my interest here. I like being told a story, especially if it includes the journey of how the creator got there. I like knowing motivation, imposed rules, people that were met, things that were discovered - most of the time without any grand statement behind the work. I think that removing the 'dominant message' or 'lesson' that the audience must take away with them from a performance allows the work to be left open to interpretation without having to fragment the narrative so much.  

The journey of my tea stories is important to me and I am considering how develop it in the next couple of weeks. I'm not sure that I am happy with just having tea with people in a park anymore but am struggling with the development. 

I am going to be doing a performance in college next Thursday if anyone is around - would be great to have your opinions. I am going to focus this section on purely tea rather then the process and the tea participants and see what comes out of it.

Any ideas and suggestions as always appreciated

Scratches

So, last week were the scratches at college! We did the first one on Tuesday and then had to reperform something for Thursday, which were held as open performances. 

As I had been really struggling turning my tea conversations into a more traditional style of performance I decided to do one on one performances for Tuesday. I finally managed to do the performance embodying other people's stories. Something that I have been trying to do for weeks.

I enjoyed the performance and some interesting aspects came from doing it. I realised that if I want the conversations to be a performance in their own right I still have a lot of work to do in the framing of the activity. I probably got a lot more out of the experience than the tea takers did! I knew that I was passing on other people's information and stories but this was lost on a lot of the participants due to the fact that I hadn't framed the activity throughly enough.

I really liked that there was a natural progression to the conversations and the stories that were told. I started off my first story by saying that I was an 86 year old woman, then telling an anecdote. This then inspired the tea taker with me at the time to embody the story of their own Grandma and say to me in return "I'm a 96 year old woman". I then retold this story to the next tea taker - who in return became their two and a half year old nephew, and told an anecdote from his perspective. I loved that other people also took this concept on board (and would really like to know from the participants how this felt to them by the way :o) )

The conversations took a turn when one tea taker told a story that was actually about themselves, from then on the theme of memories and people's grandmas emerged but all about themselves, which was great. 

Actually witnessing this progression finally allowed me to see a way to write the show!! The empathy inherent in the telling of stories swung between being someone else and being yourself. The conversations naturally drifted back to being about them rather than embodying another character or person. This really showed me that this is what I have been working towards. Also being able to see how it felt to embody someone else's story finally gave me a hook into the script writing.

I still want to work on this section being a performance on its own, as it is a great way of getting material and has a great deal of performative quality and value for the participant that is yet to be excavated. So any further feed back from people that saw this section would be great as I don't feel as though I have fully explored this option yet.

Anyway, on to Thursday. So, I wrote the show on Wednesday and performed it, unrehearsed, on Thursday; which was incredibly nerve racking but turned out to be the best thing for me. Being under so much pressure by having limited time to write something meant that I couldn't over analyse anything and talk myself out if it. 

There are loads of things that I need to consider now, such as the materials I am using, the delivery of the work, and expanding the script. I feel in a good place to be able to do it though and am working on finding a director to help me with some of this, as it is incredibly hard for me to be subjective about the work. I suppose that is one thing about working from process; you become so embedded in the work and the process of how you got there that it is hard to step out of it again to be subjective and a little cold about it in the editing. 

I got some really helpful feedback from everyone that saw the performance on Thursday but any further thoughts would be greatly appreciated!

P.S big thanks to Harriet for documenting it for me and getting it on the net!

South Bank Tea and The Scratch: Rain, Rain, Rain!

Well... this is what happened to me last week trying to do South Bank Tea...

I got pissed on (haha)! Rain and tea don't go together very well! 

Eventually the sun came out long enough for me to get a two-in-one tea participant outside the Tate Modern.

An amazing lady stopped with a little girl (who had the best suggestions when it came to my project). It turned out that my tea participant had just put up her painting exhibition at the Barbican (the lady not the little girl). We chatted about art and morals, and I tried to explain empathy to a seven year old; which as it turns out is a great way to see whether you truly understand something yourself! 

I did intend to try the 'I'm a 40 year old man' tactic - but my participant didn't need any encouragement in opening up and telling me a story. It was like she had a sixth sense for what I was doing and jumped right in. This lady even gave me an idea for a similar project that she has been thinking of herself, but not being a performer, said she would find it difficult. I now have her card, so you never know where that might lead. I love having tea with strangers - you never know who you are going to meet. 

I think that I definitely want to try and have more conversations with children as my project progresses - Holly (the girl) came up with things that I would never have thought of. I want to spend more time thinking about the potential role of children in this work... but right now have to skip ahead a bit and think about the scratch; so will have to revisit.

I tried to do Oxford Tea this weekend and went on my merry little way to find the Brother's in Yarn in Henly-on-Thames with the hope of having tea with them as part of their project.... the rain came down and stopped the tea and the Brother's in Yarn cancelled the rest of their tour anyway! So no luck this weekend :o(

After feeling a little panicky about this project recently, I have had to take a step back in order to be able to do the scratch. I have been trying to put what I have done so far into a 'show' as that is what I envisage the final show to end up being; this is what I understand the scratch to be for... but it seems to be causing me problems. What is it that is making me panic about the project?

I feel like I have tried to run ahead of myself by putting a 'show' together, it just hasn't happened for me - and now I am worried that the project isn't going to work at all. As Doug would put it "I need talking off a ledge" (which hasn't actually happened for a while)!

Anyway - backing away from the ledge - I have gone back and reread my original proposal that I gave for the diploma stage assessments. One sentence that I wrote really jumped out at me; "The process in creating Organic Theatre is as, if not more important than the final product".

I think that I have simply forgotten that process is the key here. I need to acknowledge where I am at with this project (which is not a bad place to be in as it is progressing) and keep moving forward. I have been trying to drastically change the shape of the work, and force it into something that it isn't yet.

I set up the project in such a way that each stage of the process would be performative in its own right. Each stage organically evolving into the next until it is at a stage where I am happy to put it into a more traditional 'stage show'; which, at this stage, I have to acknowledge, may end up not being the right format for the work. Naturally I am going to encounter problems if I force myself into doing something with the work that isn't right for it at this stage. 

I have decided to stick to one-to-ones for now. I am going to embed the scratch in the process, rather than producing something abstracted from the project specifically for it. I think that it will be interesting to try tea with people that I know and in less of a public setting. 

I also think that now is a good time to get some real feedback on the work that I have been doing to help me progress with the project... and stay back from that ledge!! :o)

Pinpointing the project

I spent all yesterday desperately trying to pinpoint what I am trying to do with this work and how best to represent it in a scratch.

So far I have been really enjoying myself, having tea and chatting with some people around London, but that big 'so what' keeps cropping up for me. I have needed to think about moving the project on and to do that I need to understand exactly where my interest lies to push that aspect further. 

As I mentioned in a previous post Kira O'Reilly suggested that I try and embody people's stories by telling them as my own to see how it feels. This didn't work as it felt so awful to have lied to someone when they were really open and truthful with me. When discussing this problem in the VLP forum last week Doug made a really good suggestion that I simply frame it differently. If I don't pretend that I am telling the truth about me then it is not as deceitful. As I have previously mentioned, I was really looking forward to embodying different ages, classes, races and genders. Doug suggested that I make this a little more explicit in the same way that Tim Crouch does and state "I am a 40 year old man" - this will instantly allow the participant to know that the story is not my own. 

So, back to the 'so what'! Why do I feel compelled to want to do this so much? Yesterday Rich suggested a book for me by Grant Kester. I have actually been reading an essay by Kester in a different book but Rich's suggestion made me go back and pick it up again yesterday. Rereading the text I began to pick up on the theme of empathy and once again remembered my tutorial with Kira. It is what happens whilst relating to someone that interests me, how you tell stories to understand and how you have to have empathy to relate to someone's story.  I think that the following quote is the best summation of what I am aiming to do with my project,

"Rather than entering into communicative exchange with the goal of representing "self" through the advancement of already formed opinions and judgements , a connected knowledge is grounded in our capacity to identify with other people. It is through empathy that we learn literally to redefine self: to both know and feel our connectedness with others."

(G. Kester: Conversation Pieces The role of Dialogue in Socially-Engaged Art 1998)

Rather than representing my own opinions and beliefs in this project I think that I want to find a way to physically represent how I understand the exchanges, and maybe how the participants have understood the project. Maybe by telling the stories as my own this will enable me to see a way in. 

I have also been thinking a lot about the 'Emancipated Spectator' by Ranciere. It is a text that I am now using a lot in my dissertation - I am only just getting to grips with the bloody thing! Anyways, I have been thinking a lot about ways of knowing, community and difference. The thing that makes us equal is that we are all unequal, we are all different. I am never going to be a 40 year old man, so what is happening with the empathy there? 

I'm going to do Southbank Tea today... if the rain holds off! I am aiming to gather enough material to put something together for the scratch next week. I have decided on a plan of action but we'll see what comes out of today before I get any further.

Wimbledon Tea

Last week I had tea in Wimbledon before a VLP forum. I have become very aware that I need to work really hard on this and keep up the project or it is in danger of falling on its arse! (I have such a way with words don't I!?)

Anyway, I finally got some women to sit with me! I am going to write mostly about this next lady as she not only was amazing but helped me to think about what i am doing.

This tea participant felt compelled to sit with me once I told her that I was doing a theatre project as she is on the board of a theatre in Wimbledon. On the way to meet her granddaughter herself she was thrilled that I wanted to do a project inspired by my own Grandma and was more than happy to talk about that. 

We discussed why Grandmas can be so influential in our lives. She told me that she had been raised by her Grandma during WWII. We talked about her grandchildren and her relationship with them... she has a very theatrical family :o) 

We hit upon the subject of narrative; something which I am beginning more and more to focus on. My Tea buddy told me that she is all for abstract theatre with no narrative, but feels it is like looking at a beautiful abstract painting... it needs explaining to her! I said that I knew the feeling; which led us on to talking about what was important in theatre... wouldn't we all like to know the answer to that one at the moment! This lady stated that no other art form is more about being human than theatre, and what better way to express our experience than in story telling! I totally agreed with her... which is when I decided that it is time to move this project on.

I feel like the 'first phase' of this project is completed and need to analyse that a bit to work out the 'second phase'.  I feel like I know that people will sit and talk with me, and that the majority of the conversations will be about relationships. I need to work out what I want to focus on and how to put the material that I have so far into something that resembles a performance for the scratch. 

Soho Square Tea

Today was really different from last time that I had tea. I only had time for two people - which didn't matter to me. Even one person in a day is a bonus... "please don't let me keep you" was the phrase of the day - even though I had invited them to have tea with me.!!

Been on my own and not sat with another person was the key I think,  (Stevie sat with me last time). Sally was sat in the park though taking the pictures and watching me. I was really grateful as there were a lot of strange people out and about today. It was good to know that I had help if I needed it (thank you Sally). Have decided not to do this alone. Both people sat with me for an hour each and had a really good chat. I am totally exhausted!

If I tell you something about me, I was wondering whether you could tell me something about you in return. I'm a theatre practitioner and am gathering material to help me write my show for my MA... I have a three year old son. He has only just met his dad. His dad has been away travelling but recently came back into our lives. My son was a bit cautious at first, but as soon as his dad produced toys and sweets he was practically his best friend - you'd think he'd never not been there:

He took off his glasses and looked me in the eyes; in one instant I tried to understand what it meant to have his four year old daughter taken away from him. To have an ex that can make your life hell, to be homeless and have to live in a hostel, and to loose your job - all in one year. A dad that has had five wives and tells him he is nothing more than a chip off the old block... still you have to stay positive don't you. My neighbours don't say hi to me in the hostel. Just saying good morning to someone helps lift my spirits for the day doesn't it!? - people in London aren't so friendly... I have the same name as his mum but the Portuguese equivalent. He was so taken with this that half an hour later he came back to find me with some documents of his mother's just to prove it to me. 

Does your son live with you then... ... ... Yeah

There was no way I could re tell this story as if it were my own to the next person that sat with me. I decided to go back to a good honest chat and come back to the whole embodying someone's story idea later.

Translator, blues musician, and just wanted to make me laugh. I now have an array of jokes that I should 'use in my show' - as well as plenty of dating tips, apparently it was the Egyptians who were the expert in courtship and there are 5 rules that you should follow if you want to win a woman over! He was really open with me. We compared relationships, how to take tea (I have been given a new tip on making that apparently is better than drinking Red Bull! apparently mine is too weak), families, our views on the art of conversation, and why it is so important that people laugh.

Tea participant number two also gave me a gift to try out (incase you can't tell from the picture it is one of those chewing gum packets that when you pull the gum a mouse trap thing snaps your finger - but this one has a rubber cockroach on it) haha I love it - I was really touched that he wanted me to take something away... as well as the rest of his jokes!

Again though, the theme of the day was relationships. The strangest this was that I didn't direct the conversation, and it was a topic that they wanted to talk about very openly. Sex, affairs, heartbreak, warts and all. 

I think that it is because when talking to a perfect stranger what else do you have in common? The fact that we all connect with someone... is that an incredibly cheesy thing to say and focus on?

I can't think of a title!

Just thought that I would write a quick blog before I pass out after only just getting in from work.

Just flicking around the net and came across this great sounding project called Brother's in Yarn
it is basically two men that are about to walk to London (from somewhere far away sounding), with no money, and telling stories along the way. They are raising money for charity and are professional story tellers. I think that this sounds like a great project!!

It feels to me as if narrative in a more traditional sense is making a bit of a come back at the moment. Practitioners and artists have been really wary about using linear narratives for a long time. It has just got me thinking about what is changing, and the value of story telling, as it is becoming a big part of my practice.

Also wanted to write how much I enjoyed Kira O'Reilly's talk and tutorial today. I found it really exciting to hear her talk about her own work. I have studied her practice for years - she even featured in my BA dissertation (not that I would tell her that hehe how sad would I sound!?). I couldn't get to see her work when I was at the NRLA, but it was so great for me to hear what she thought about her own work. I have only ever read what other people think about it!!

The tutorial was helpful. I am beginning to pin down why the project is interesting to me and where my focus is.

I am having tea in Soho Square tomorrow if all goes well. Am going to try a bench this time. Kira made a really good suggestion that I think I am going to try out. She suggested that I ask people to tell me a story about something that happened in their lives, then re-tell the story to the next person that sits with me as if it were my own. I am really excited about trying this out as I think that it will be a great way to generate script material and be more performative in itself.

I have been struggling with writing the initial script. However, after thinking on my tutorial, I have decided to write a small anecdote from my Grandma's life and tell it in first person. I am curious to see whether a theme will develop from the day, whether people will tell a similar story back to me and this will inform the next one and so on. You all know I love my identity politics so am really excited to see how it feels to tell a story in a different gender, age, class and try and own it - even if the words don't fit.


Fingers crossed for me I'm a bit nervous

Something worth thinking about..

Whilst researching on the internet I came across this article on the Guardian Arts Blog

I think that it is something worth thinking about both in terms of my practice and research. Why is it that people increasingly want to engage with their audience on such a personal level? There seems to be a surge of practitioners trying to create 'real' intimacy where the audience is having more and more of a realised input into the actual work. Whether this is in the form of confessional pieces, or in the case of Caroline Smith's new work providing information to actually make the show. 

Considering this has been interesting in terms of what I am practically trying to achieve at the moment. My work is very much situated in between the conceptual nature of the confessional, and the gathering of material that Caroline is doing (although in a different manner as I am leaving the organic nature of the encounters to dictate the show which leaves the themes much more open ended at this point). 

As Lyn Gardner states though, it is an enforced intimacy, an illusion of intimacy in a lonely world. So what does this say about the practitioners making the work and the audience willing to partake in it? What does the work say about the culture we live in?

For my essay I am shifting focus a little (AGAIN! haha). I am considering the intimacy produced in organic theatre (and indeed some one on one performances). I want to try and look at the culture we live in through the lens of these performances. hmmm

I believe that the organic nature of the work and the way that the audience are incorporated into the work produces an almost cult following. You feel intimate with the practitioner, you feel as though they are letting you in on a secret. Like you know them, their inner workings, both personally and as an artist working as they are letting you in on the process.  You are really part of somehthing. But how is this effect produced and why?

In terms of a live event there is often an authority attached to it. A belief that you are having an authentic experience due to the visceral and temporal nature of the exchange. However, I believe that the mechanisms used to produce this effect and to draw in an audience are the same as the ones that are at work in media and celebrity culture. The intimacy is no more real than feeling that you know Ant and Dec. 

Our culture is one where knowledge about a person or 'persona' is ubiquitous. We have easy, instant access to personal lives, the career development of 'personas', and the inner workings of the films or television programmes that these 'celebrities' are working on (behind the scenes). I would like to argue that the livesness and intimacy inherent in Organic Theatre has no more authority or authenticity than that of celebrity, media culture. 

A continuation of Auslander's argument where the ontological nature of liveness and mediatisation is blurred but with a focus on intimacy and authenticity. 

I love that I argue with myself constantly and my own ideals! God Dam! :o)

Brushing my teeth this morning I had a thought...

Not knowing where this is going…

Transformation. Obsession. Knowing that people are going to get to see in. Trying to write and having nothing to say, so cementing obsessions instead.

Making home made tomato soup today. 

Making my own dress tomorrow. 

Serving people all night tonight.

Wasn’t there a programme called ‘1940’s House’?

A transformation. How much of someone can you really take in?

Watching Ginger Rogers. Changing my hair. How did it feel to wear a corset everyday? Not having the money to buy stockings so painting black lines down the back of my legs instead and hoping that no one noticed. That I had gotten them straight – I’m not the only one on the street who does this!

Day dreaming, wishing I had a different life whilst painting my nails, with a baby on my knee.

Getting up this morning I chased the mice out of the kitchen. I got my breakfast and sat in front of the radio. Changed nappies. Hand scrubbed my whites, and thought about nuclear war, about going to the moon, a supermarket trolley full of foreign goods, and all of the other actualities that no body had ever dreamed of.

Washing my hair with soap in the shower. Get it Setting, brushed my teeth with bicarbonate of Soda - then I'll blog it all down. 

A reflection

Throwing some caution to the wind I sat in a park requesting perfect strangers to sit and have tea and a chat with me. 

Thank god I brought the biscuits.

I worried the whole way there that it was too hot. That I was serving tea out of plastic beakers, not because I was being conscientious and green, but because I am poor and would quite like to be able to reuse them and save some money. Who ever drank tea out of plastic beakers? That people would think that I was trying to poison them. That it was too hot. That the tea was the wrong strength. That the milk would go off – why the hell didn’t I buy a cool bag?

That no body would talk to me. That complete weirdos would talk to me that I wouldn't know how to get rid of because I would be having a hot cup of tea with them.

What the hell am I doing? What would my mother say about the danger? Tea? In a park with perfect strangers?

How would I explain that one to them? How do you start the conversation? What was the point in this again?

Before I knew it I was on the tube with… oh dear – a beautifully hand crafted sign that said “Would you like to have tea with me?” It is a question mark not an exclamation mark because it is more inviting. I had my hair styled so that I felt a bit more like a projected persona and less like myself.

Block colour for the dress Laura – that way nothing will detract from your sign and face. Smile don’t forget to smile. 

Try not to think too deeply you look intimidating when you are thinking. 

Oh no not a blue dress it is a cold colour you need to wear something warm and friendly. Yes, red is for danger, but it’s your best colour.

“What is that for?” The sign drew attention. Then people were listening to me – smiling, well out right laughing at me actually, but without an ounce of malice. “You should have brought cake”

Thank god I brought the biscuits. People on tubes don't have time for tea, but they do have time for biscuits.

In the park I was pleasantly surprised. People wanted to talk to me! Well… more men actually, but perhaps the women are harder to get:

“What a splendid idea to offer people tea. Try a flash thing; or a sponsored tea. I work for a charity, just did a sponsored walk. Do you need old people? Have you met many interesting people? I had a heart bypass in 2004 you know, they’ve just found out that it is leaking again. I really like the theatre – I saw Billy Elliot. That’s from near you innit? The North? Yeah I’d like to go see another show really but I might have to have another operation – its harder to get to London then… No – my Mum. She lives near me so I’d stop with her. I have my own flat – have done for years but spend every Christmas with my Mum… Black tea reminds me of work – any jasmine?... No, where we’re from you wouldn’t worry about poison we have strong stomachs but without the jasmine perhaps I’ll pass.”

The oddest thing was that people wanted to know more. Would I be here weekly? Was I doing any other events? Everyone sounded rather enthusiastic at the thought of having a massive tea party in the park with whole groups of stranger… people like interacting more than I thought. And in case you are thinking what I would be thinking if I read this; no body mentioned dating services once!

I have my first little bundle of email addresses to keep people updated on my progress and perhaps attend more events.

Anyone in Green Park For Tea?...

... I think so!

As I prepare for assessments...

My class and I are currently preparing for assessments at college at the moment. These are the diploma stage assessments that we have to pass before we are able to progress onto the MA stage of our course! Stressful enough with out having the added impact of being a little homeless next week, work changing shifts around, assessments being moved and the bank balance being a little unhealthy :o) 

Despite all this I find myself still content with where I am at with my work and practice. We have had to pick a piece of text for a literature review as part of our assessments and I would like to share the one that I used! 

I would love to hear any thoughts that people have on it. I am a little shocked at my self that I chose NOT to use a theory text and am at last beginning to feel a real focus on the practical side of what I am interested in. 

It may be a little too postmodern but it has still being incredibly inspirational to me. Every time I begin to feel that knot in my stomach at the thought of leaving my work installed in a studio, of being assessed on something that is not the work, of talking final product not process -this text has helped me put things back into perspective.

I am beginning to realise through writing my essay (which I will post on here as well) that you can turn even process in to something material and it is encouraging to have to think about how to do that. It has to be said that I am finding this a little more than challenging at the moment and it is the side of things that since changing my research proposal a few weeks ago (hmmm - not the best move before an assessment) that I have struggled with how to do. I find this particularly hard at college and to be honest feel as if I have very little perspective on my work at the moment. 

However, as I research and prepare for assessments I find myself asking the question "If Tim Crouch (esp in 'England'), Nic Green or Caroline Smith were faced with leaving work in a studio and producing a model box for a final show when their work is about it organically evolving and responding to site, what would they leave??"  

Tea Parties...

… an event that is constructed through process, ritual, and etiquette. This maybe an odd thing to be trying to construct a performance about, but I have been thinking a lot about tea!

As you know I have recently changed my research paper… so where does this leave my practical work??? The main premise of my research is investigating and analysing everything that I believe theatre should be, which as you know from my previous post, is a highly process driven theatre that responds to site, audience, its previous performances, its performers, and a theatre that outs its own construction. I want to try and begin to work this into the Space-In-Between Project.

The first section of the performance, I feel, already addresses a great deal of the above points. The performance is constructed in front of the audience and in conjunction with them. It therefore, outs it own construction by being about process, and will be different every time as it responds directly to each individual audience member. The performance has already taken place once (Harriet’s (In)Visible piece) and is now organically changing to respond to the site (55 Leroy Street) and its performers (i.e. my inclusion into it). For those of you who don’t know about Harriet’s (In)Visible performance, I will post a link to Harriet’s blog in case you want to look it up. I have to say that it has been really interesting for me to be part of this process and see a performance develop in this way; especially since I was involved in the first trial of the performance structure during our first assessments.

The second part of the performance is where we want to try and test the water with a few more of my ideas. Harriet and I have both been looking at projections in terms of how they can be used in a performance and why they would be used. I like them because I think that they out their own construction in a lot of ways. As they are projected onto surfaces they also allow you to simultaneously view the texture of the surface underneath the image, hence, it doesn’t allow you to think you are anywhere other than the room you are in! As with so much theatre it is literally projecting into a space (as I have said before).

What we are thinking with section two of the performance, is that it would be nice to project ourselves on top of our live selves – but doing the reverse actions. This is (hopefully) to highlight the rehearsal process that goes into a performance and allow it to become embedded into the actual work. We have already decided that the performance is going to be based on, and structured by, repetition. There are a number of reasons for this decision and we are hoping that the projection will help us express some of them (of course there is no sure way of knowing until we have performed it).

So… back to tea. Last rehearsal I was really beginning to think about domestic habit since Harriet had found an article about the poor housing conditions of Leroy Street inhabitants in the 60s, and the building is now about to be turned into luxury apartments. The one thing that I could really see as connecting the past, present, and future histories of 55 Leroy Street was tea! It was even once a base for London Tea Stores! The area that we are going to be performing in has tea written all over the wall from a previous work of art… so tea it is! 

The more I thought about tea the more bizzar it became. I have begun researching into tea parties and etiquette and it appears to fit my research well (for now at least). Tea parties are very much about process, and one of the best things about them is that they (I believe anyway) are historically appropriated. Although the nature of the tea party may not differ too much the reason for having them does. Historically they were very much about community and introducing a new neighbour. They were high society events. However, one of the websites that I am looking at argues that in today’s society, as life rushes past, we have lost the ability to stop and appreciate the small things in life. Tea Parties are about live, human interaction – a reason to take tea and socialise! Not far off my beliefs about theatre!

You have to check out the website I am using I think it is hilarious. I am hoping that as Harriet and I unpack and take tea and repack over and over again with the projections continually doing the reverse it will become an even more absurd concept. I am loving the idea of the panels obstructing the audiences view that can capture the projcetions as Harriet has discussed on her blog: there is a good chance that Harriet’s image will be projected on to me and vice versa. We are also wanting to try things out such as flurring out the table cloth to catch images. These are both ways of Harriet and I playing around with vision and perception without using any ‘trickery’. I want everything to be on display for all to see.

Hahaha...

... because everyone should know that Harriet loved the steroscopic mexican wave as much as I did!

I'm Getting by With a Little Help From My Friends

I have been thinking a lot recently about the questions that I have been asking myself so far this year, and have come to the conclusion that they have been the wrong ones but in the right area.

What I really want to do is write a type of manifesto. I have needed to work out where I situate my practice (which believe it or not I have done), and then use it to structure my own work with. I want to be able to outline what I think theatre should be, what quantifies it, and then investigate how and why it works in contemporary society. In striving to do this I think that I have identified a type of theatre that encompasses everything I believe is integral to it as an art form.

Of course I know what liveness is… more to the point I’m dam sure I know what theatre is (it’s a lesson to us all kids – don’t read too many books they fry your brain and you will forget even your name)! And to be honest am not all that interested in deconstructing the relationship between the mediatized and the live (Philip Auslander has already done it far better than I ever will); but what I am interested in is theatre's response to the current contemporary context, of a media, product driven society.

… introducing “Organic Theatre”! I am not loving the term organic here – but it most aptly describes the strain of theatre I am investigating and try as I might I haven’t found a term for it on the internet or in my books yet. (If anybody reading this can identify the type of theatre I am talking about with a more apt name please hurry and let me know).

Organic Theatre is a type of theatre that is unique every time you witness it – you will never witness the same performance twice (and I don’t mean in the obvious sense of context and the linear flow of time – theatre is pushing past that and taking it (and liveness with it) to the extreme). It is the hand-crafted vs Ikea. It evolves and grows the more it is performed. It responds to site, audience, and indeed it own performers and their personal histories. The construction of theatre is made more than visible – it is commented on during the performance and often in the form of dual narrative. Organic Theatre outs its own construction time and time again. Process can be performance.

Tim Crouch in general, but more specifically in ‘An Oak Tree’ is the perfect example of an Organic Theatre maker. He never works with the same actor twice, so you will never see it performed in the same way. The audience are constantly told and informed ‘how this piece is being made, in front of the audience and in conjunction with them, now, live, never to be repeated again’.

Nic Green is another performer who I would classify as working with Organic Theatre. During her performance ‘Cloud Piece’ she not only told her story of the fear of loosing her imagination and her journey to try and get it back, but she also told the audience how this piece was created. She reenacted previous performances, their developments, which sections she omitted from this performance and why. Green explains where the concept for the performance came from and then details her difficulties in working due to the fact that her Grandfather died; she explains that this changed the piece. Green performs with an 11 year old girl in ‘Cloud Piece’ and also incorporates her personal history into the work.

As an audience member I felt present during Greens performance. You feel as though you are witnessing the creation of something (in fact you are practically told that that is what is happening). It was well worth being in the theatre and not in the cinema!

Caroline Smith’s ‘Spank’ also grows and responds to site and personal history each time it is performed.

Part of the charm of these performances, is that as an audience member, you can almost collect them and have input into, or at least feel present in their development – something, which, as a society we are accustomed to in other areas but not yet in theatre. This can be from the sidelines as in ‘I was there’ or actively in feed back sessions. No matter how many times you go to see a performance they will always be different, a series to be collected, distinguished between, and viewed as part of an unobtainable whole.

I am going to leave it soon… as this is my longest blog ever! But BAC scratch nights are another phenomena that has identified not only the need of performers to obtain feed back on work – but also the desire of an audience to be part of a process. I would like to note here though that Organic Theatre is not a ‘work in progress’ performance (as in unfinished). Each performance is a complete work, it will simply naturally change and evolve next time it is performed.

Phew – there is so much more I want to rant on about but have just written over 800 words!

Let me know what you think, questions, references – a better term than Organic Theatre!

Devising in Leroy Street

Ok - so you all know how much I love technology... this has been a pain in the bum to upload. I can't figure out You Tube for the life of me so I'm sorry if this video is hard to see... but tough! haha

Anyway, this is an extract of what Harriet and I were testing out today in the space. We have been playing around with the projection being a ghosting of the live self. This is for the second section of the performance. We are beginning to look at process in performance  as performance here. 

There is much more for me to say and to come! I am changing my research proposal at the moment so am just getting a few things straight in my head before I blog it!

Brain Splat and a Request for Help!

Oh dear! She cried, as she once again hit the theory books!

If this makes any sense to anyone and they think that they can help me pick apart the issues here for my essay PLEASE help!

Considering my essay - I decided to deconstruct liveness and mediatization in theatre by placing them in binary opposition. I then wanted to deconstruct this binary to show that (as Auslander does say - in a way I am not always too fond of) there is no (or hardly any) ontological difference left between them! So... do I go about deconstructing and see where my merry little findings take me... or do I change my research question and ask;

"In the face of a decentred notion of liveness, where does this leave theatre? How can we define theatre? What even IS theatre?!?"

More importantly "What has Auslander done to theatre!?" 

Am I setting myself a really stupid challenge by trying to define theatre in light of its ontological displacement? Has it already been done and I am wasting my time - does somebody already have the answer for me? 

AAAHHHHHH!

Some Initial Thoughts On The Project

Harriet and I managed to get in the space this

 week to do some devising and thrash out some ideas for the project. Although it was freezing it was great fun to be finally in a space where we can devise practical work.

We are looking at doing the project

 in three parts

 in order to enable us b

oth to work in our research areas and try out ideas (although to be fair there are a lot of cr

oss overs in our chosen areas anyway). The first part is going to be an exchange based on the '(in)visible exchange' that Harriet did for the Nunnery (but obviously an expansion of it); and also to maybe try out creating some narratives. The second part is to try out some of the ideas that I have been having around the past and present and using projections. It is really good as I feel that trying out different ways of working in

 the same project is really helping me get lots of inspiration at the moment. 

Below are a few pictures that we took whilst trying out some ideas;

I really like the projections as I think that they work on a number of different levels (although these are not the projections that we will use they were good to have a play around with).

 I think that it is funny to project nice brand-spanking new furnishings and equipment into such a dilapidated space, especially since once-upon-a-time it was used in the way that we are referencing. The fact that they are disfunctional, and we are simultaneously in the space and are not - says a lot about the current occupation and usage of the space.

I kind of feel like the projections also reference how we ourselves project into a space and imagination working and I started making up narratives for what may have happened in there in the past, who might live there in the future, what it might have and still could look like. I project all this onto a derelict surface as does a projector.

Putting my live body next to a still, projected, image was interesting. The cracks and surfaces show though the projection and I like this layered scenery a lot. My live self felt more present as the projection had a ghostly feel and effect to it. I really felt as if it referenced a past much more effectively (if not a little literal) than my present self ever could using dialogue.

Seeing this working practically has really started me thinking about how my live self occupies a space and the history of creating a performance. Perhaps a next step for me (after this project) will be to film rehearsals and project them back on top of a live performance. Process in performance is as interesting to me as the finished product and my 'past rehearsing self' is as much as part of a performance as my 'present live self'... does that make sense or am I rambling??? 

I think the next step for this project is working out the specifics of the performance, its content, and playing around with some more ideas. Interacting with projections is a great stepping stone for me and having to exhibit it at a set date publicly is just the push I needed.

I feel much better working for this exhibition than I did when I was contemplating the Nunnery. Maybe it is that the context is different, or maybe I am just in a better place. The exhibition is framed as a work in progress to try out new ideas which makes me feel a lot more comfortable.

The-Space-In-Between Project

As Harriet has been writing about on her blog, there is an art project going on in an old factory, in Elephant and Castle, that is about to be converted into apartments. We heard about the project through the Crystal Palace Artists.

The project has been set up by Linda Duffy and she is keen for artist to be able to use the space to experiment with their own work whilst simultaneously responding to the site.

When I first went to the private view of Forensic (the first exhibition there) with Harriet I loved the site. It is the type of space that I love working with and that instantly captures your imagination; it has wallpaper peeling off to reveal grotesque 70's patterned wallpaper underneath, dusty floors, and forgotten corners. However, at the time I had no idea what I would do in the space were I to utilise it or how my practice would fit in to it.

After doing some practical work at the end of term (Practical Work Ahoy indeed!), and chatting to Harriet, I have decided to take the bull by the horns and put something out there; whether it is using part of the time that harriet has been given in the space to try something out on my own, or to collaborate with her.

It is a short sharp project with not much time to prepare (aka obsess, panic, and over think things), and it is for experimenting which I think is fantastic. It really is a great space and am looking forward to trying something out outside of college just for the sake of working.

Just a bit of a brainstorm about some of the things that have been springing to mind and have been chatting to Harry about:

* Using a projected backdrop of an office background. It is to create a ghosted effect, a trace of things that have (or may have) gone before, forever present in the history but intangible and constantly being broken and interfered with by the current activities.

* Creating a fake factory where photograms are the product. This could possibly further highlight the process of photography and relate to the history of the space.

* Using the picking apart of flowers performance, that I did for David Gale's workshop as a springboard; looking at subverting the factory process and deconstructing products.

* I love the idea (as always) of forgotten factory workers that have become stuck in the factory office repeating the same set of actions until they have lost all meaning.

* Once all of the activities/performances are over in the closet leaving it as an installation. A relic, an evidence of an action, that (like everything that has gone before it) has now become ingrained into the history of the site.

Adding a new history to a space-in-between is really exciting to me.

Quick Note

Just found this really good website whilst doing a bit of research; it's called The Presence Project. 

I am only about half way through looking at it but thought that it might also be useful to some of you (esp Harriet and Lena).

I found this quote on part of the website,

Steve Dixon

(...) Reduced to its essence, presence is about interest and command of attention, not space or liveness. (...) Let us consider a hypothetical live performer standing next to an exactly life-size, recorded, two-dimensional projection of herself (...). If both figures are still and neutral, one might agree that the live performer has more presence (by virtue her solidity, her liveness). But once either of the figures engages in activity (including concentrated thought) it will pull focus to it, gain attention, and assert its presence over the other. When both become active, the one we watch more (our attention will always flit between them), the one with the most presence, is the one engaged in what we find personally the more interesting or emotive activity. In this sense, presence in relation to audience engagement and attention is dependent on the compulsion of the audiovisual activity, not on liveness or corporeal three-dimensionality.' (Dixon, 2007: 132)

I think that this is especially applicable to my workshop as we were conversing with projections of ourselves; and as Doug pointed out during Lena's performance, we all watched the projection more than we did the live Lena. Why is this? Is it because we are now more practised in viewing a 2D image? It isn't as if we could argue that the quality of the image was entrancing. It was a poor quality image, that was faint because there was too much light in the room!?!

 I also find it interesting that Dixon separates presence and liveness. I can't separate the two at all in my head, but can really see what the quote is getting at.  Still leaves me begging the question of how to define liveness... made even more difficult if presence is taken out of the equation! 

Let me know any thoughts!