I Moved...

I've moved to a brand new blog. 

xxxx

So Recently...

I've been bogged down with writing some applications. It's been stressful and it has taken me away from any thoughts about practice altogether, but its been good in that I have been forced to rebuild some of the momentum that I created during the MA.

It is easy to let life get in the way once you aren't in the college 'bubble'. It really is a discipline that I don't seem to posses. 

Now that the application is done with all of my hope behind it I am determined to get my practice going again. I am literally squirming, aching and itching to be working on a new project... I just am trying far too hard. Everything that I think might be good enough isn't, I don't have any thing worth saying, can't settle on themes or topics... this form of procrastination is familiar to me and something that really affected me during my MA. I should really just learn to not panic so much. 

So, to try and combat this I have contacted a few people that I met in the crystal palace artists group and through the Leroy Street Exhibition that Harriet and I took part in, to have regular meetings in a local pub. We've only had one so far (there is another one tomorrow) but I think that it is a positive step. Already we are discussing the possibility of showing work together in CP, discussing ideas, swapping references - all the kind of things which are vital for me to remain productive and creative.

What I find most encouraging is that we all have very different practices, yet seem to be able to find cross overs and issues that are important to us, just represented or dealt with in very different ways.

T.A.T.T at Southwark

Most of the pictures that were taken for my documentation aren't really usable - but thought that I would stick them up here anyway...

They don't really show what the set was like or the changes that were made which is a real shame. Most of the feed back from people that had seen it before at college was that they preferred the set here as it was more eclectic and suited the feel of the piece. People also seemed to like the bar setting for the work. I was initially really worried that I didn't have any lighting to punctuate the piece, but it turned out not to matter - no body noticed that it was missing which can only be a good thing.

An old friend of mine from when I was in Sixth Form College came to see it which was amazing. She is an actress now and gave me some really great feedback about things that I think I have been neglecting without realising. 

My friend said that what she noticed most was that my performance skills have slipped since she saw me performing as a teenager! Really basic things like using and controlling my breathing to punctuate and create phrases in the work, I struggled with stillness and silences, my posture and gestures aren't as clear or as held as they should be. Her comments really struck a cord with me as I realised that she was right and that it was great to have someone there to look at it from a technical point of view. 

It's so easy to when you are creating, writing, and directing your own work to get so caught up with the content and the 'art' behind it, that it is so easy to overlook your practical skills. Performing techniques aren't really easy and are things that need constantly working on. I've rewritten the beginning of T.A.T.T again and will be working on my performance skills when I get to perform it again. 

I think that I still have a lot to learn about documentation and how to control it when I'm not taking the pictures.

Dissertation

I've finally found the time to put my MA Dissertation on the internet. To view it please go to http://laurabean123.wordpress.com/

As always I'm looking for input...

Some Baby Seeds

... are being planted in my bored little brain. Ideas are there that are so new, so fragile, that everytime I try to discuss them with someone they shatter in my hands and become banal and nothing worth uttering. Yet the desire to start working again keeps on niggling.

Living with Stevie obviously has an affect on me because I have started to research fairy stories again... no I take that back... maybe it is a combination of Stevie and this time of year - I have just realised that this is also what I was working on this exact time last year, with Stevie, for the group show at college. Ah how the past comes around and around and around.

Stevie and I started a project for the group show where I re-appropriated newspaper stories into allegorical tales using the language of fairy tales. It was for an audience of one at a time and also had an accompanying shadow play that Stevie designed... some of these ideas are obviously still floating in freeplay with me.

I recently went to the Press night of Cinderella at the Lyric! Wow! I was really in love with the show - possibly just my sick little brain, but I found this version, with the direction and the Grimm's writing far more enchanting and christmasy than the 'traditional' version with a fairy godmother. It was dark and magical all in one go - if it wasn't advertised as a kids show I would have been demanding that the dark nature be pushed even further... after all fairy tales were originally meant for adults. Funnily enough I met Liz, who played Cinderella, a couple of months ago at a Devoted and Disgruntled night at Shunt. That was an added bonus.

So - that is some stuff that is at the root of my shattering ideas... here are a few more:

"I had to produce a discourse that would be readable only for those who would make their own translation from the point of view of their own adventure." (The Emancipated Spectator: Ranciere, 2007)

"I wanted to write a story that would feel, to the reader, like something he or she had always know. Something familiar, even if the elements were as original as I could make them." (Neil Gaiman in this artical)

Reacently, walking home from work I heard someone shouting my name .. turned around and saw an almighty chunk of my past standing at London Bridge station. One of those people who you fall out with under awful, hurtful, hateful circumstances, eight years ago, but still think about them all the time; never expecting or wanting to see them again. One of those people that you imagine, if you ever saw them again you would probably just blank them and say, "I'm sorry do I know you!?" before sharply turning around and running away... wishing that you had just said "Sorry".

In one swift, totally unexpected movement, I was hugging her and was so happy that our paths had crossed on a day when she hadn't even entered my head. All the anger that I think we both thought would be felt just wasn't there and an agreement was made that enough water had been passed under that bridge for it to be built again... so we are going for a drink tomorrow... and I remembered a fairy story that has been lost, that we wrote together as teenagers.

As We Speak...

I am sat behind a reception desk... earning money. Unable to get a full time job I have resigned myself to sporadic temp work, to pay the rent, only to realise I never wanted a full time job in the first place - no wonder I didn't get one. But my bills are mounting, christmas is coming and my placement is ending. I am obsessed with all the wrong things. No new work on this horizon.

As we speak... the sentence "It is the power that each of us possesses in equal measure to make our own way in the world... She participates in the performance if she is able to make her own story from the story in front of her" (The Emancipated Spectator, Ranciere: 2007) goes round and round my head... I'm doing what now in the world?

Realising that choices are hard work and I'm not putting enough of it in; the new year approaches and I will be a little clieched and resign myslef to a new beginning... maybe I will start that early.

The Art of Taking Tea Continues...

I have my first out-of-college performance coming up for 'The Art of Taking Tea'. I will be performing at Southwark Playhouse as part of their Secrets programme on the 4th of November 1.15pm.

The programme is perfect for 'TATT' as the £5 entry fee includes sandwiches and cups of... yes you guessed it.. tea!! I'm really excited about it but have lots of work still to do. The performance will take place in their bar area which has a really lovely atmosphere but there is a serious lack of lighting and set available to me. 

I'm desperately trying to get them to let me in and see what I will have so that I can re-write the piece but between my lack of steady schedule at the moment and their uber workload we aren't getting that far :o) I'm sure that it will be fine and am currently turning my living room into picnic areas and will shortly be forcing Sally and Stevie to help me adapt things! mwahaha

It is really nice after having a break from the performance to start to look at it again and see how it has evolved and changed. What its influences are now and how that is feeding into the work away from college.

I have a feeling that it is going to turn into a very quiet intimate piece that talks about experience in a more subdued way... but who knows - and that is the fun part. xx

Duckie!!

It's been a while since I've updated my blog and thought that it was about time I cracked on and sorted some stuff out.

I've got so much to write about that I'm not sure where to start so thought that the best place would to be with my most recent performance... for Duckie.  Harriet was asked to do a performance there as part of the club night and asked me if I'd like to co-perform it with her - and of course I said yes!!

It was a really amazing experience. It was the first time that I've ever performed in a club and have to say I was really nervous at first, but after my first couple of participants I got the bug! Although Harriet and I had agreed to have a break after half an hour and stop the work at 1:30am we didn't break and worked past 2am!!

I think that sometimes I forget how much I get out of performing other people's work without being a collaborator. It is so nice to have the experience of the work without having the investment of it being your own creation. I feel like it allows for a step back and a true insight into how other practitioners work... which is always helpful! Plus it is a welcome break from my own work at the moment!

I met some amazing people at Duckie and had some very interesting conversations. I have to say that it is my favourite out of all Harriet's performances thus far. It was really neat and the space was controlled and utilised so well (also thanks to Andy Mitchelson). Very simple, very effective.

It's Getting Closer!! *eeee*

The show is fast approaching (far too quickly for my liking) so have uploaded a few images to show you all what I have been up to! For anyone who knows me-I know that you're going to laugh your asses off at the first photo. :o)

I have to say Health and Safety in the college has been a pain in the bum this week - but it has actually been quite good for me. I have had to stabilise my tables and make them into a stage, as well as cleaning and stabilising my benches so I can walk on them.

 I came on this course saying that I wanted to learn the practicalities of putting on your own work. I don't feel like I have been doing that as yet. So meeting Steve our technician has been fantastic! I have been drilling, hammering and sanding away. Dave our lighting guy has also been fantastic helping me puting up my lights, teaching me about colours and helping with careers advice in the process. I finally feel like I am doing what I came here to do.

Anywhoo - I'm scarily still script writing!! I changed my writing style this week which is good and bad. I have returned to my old style of writing which I am inspired by - but it has set me back a bit in the process... where there's a will there's a way... I hope.

This was my first day having costume, set and lights all good to go. I'm ACTUALLY working in a black box studio... A week to go and for the first time I am fully equipt! LOVE IT!

I am also really excited by seeing that the Tea Appreciation Society are advertising my show for me! Yeeha! 

And thanks once again to Harriet for documenting my rehearsal for me!

Tea Appreciation Society

Well... Today I joined 273 other people and became an official member of the Tea Appreciation Society! I have received a lovely hemp shopping bag - ideal for props as well as shopping me thinks! Two special teabags of Rooibos tea (I shall save them for a special occasion), two I heart tea stickers, a tea appreciation badge, a welcome letter and my official membership certificate complete with personal number! 

The Tea Appreciation Society was originally set up by designers but their website says that they are largely made up artists, musicians, photographers and other creative type who also love tea! Their website is well worth checking out as is their blog - lots of activity going on around tea! :o)

I have emailed them today to see whether anybody would like to come and see the show, or whether it is possible for them to advertise my show at all. They sound like an ideal audience to me and would love to meet more tea fanatics! 

What a good day!

Oxford Tea and Rubbish Landlords

The fact that my landlord is a pain in the bum has nothing much to do with this post - except I wanted to rant about it so slipped it into the title, and I'm sure that over a cup of tea tonight Stevie and I will rant about that... A LOT! hehe

Anyway back to the show which is rapidly approaching... I have been baking with tea, researching tea, joining the tea appreciation society! I now have a director for my show which is proving to be a HUGE help. I have met with Doug and sorted out how to do the sound cues, and sharing the lighting with Sally (floor plan to be produced tomorrow if all goes well). I have been surfing the net for tea blogs (of which there are a lot) and ordering tea props for the show... man it has been a bit crazy! 

I'll blog more on the practical side of things later as I get the show up on its feet this week with Maike Hale-Jones my marvellous director who I met with last week. Maike is proving to be a great person to work with - she has loads of ideas and comes from a live art / theatre background that is the same as my own, so we have very similar taste and opinions on performance - only Maike has the advantage of having an outside eye with training as a director! I showed Maike the video of the scratch performance and the first thing that she picked up on was the pace, delivery, and static nature of the material which was brilliant as they are the areas that I know need working on. 

I have already changed the delivery of the show, which works well with how Maike saw it becoming a bit more energetic - anyway we shall see... I kind of need to finish the script! HA!

I realised this week that I haven't actually had tea with people that I know! So I set off to Oxford and shamelessly begged everyone I know to turn up and have tea with me. I had tea with lots of old friends which was great to catch up. It was also interesting to see how different the conversations were. My friends know me and my relationship to my Grandma so were able to relate to me on a different level. When I have had tea with strangers the focus was much more on them and what they wanted to tell me, whereas with my friends it was more about me and how I feel about the project. Analysing what I've learnt, and my relationship to my Gran. It was great because I didn't need to spend time going into any background stuff - it was all already there.

turns out that Brad (above) doesn't like tea if any of you are wondering about the Grolsh can in the tea mug! 

After having tea with friends individually everyone kindly agreed to drink EVEN more tea and have a group tea. It was great to have more than one person there as it meant that I didn't need to do as much work in the conversation but could observe a lot more. We kept it all girls as I felt I wanted to get the 'gossip' angle... and gossip we did. 



After girlie tea - I went and had tea with some of my friends parents... yes by this time I did have a tea baby in my belly! They are all people that I have known for a few years now - it was great to get the perspective of people from my parents generation on the project whilst already having knowledge of me and my family.  

It was a lot of tea this weekend! Fun though :o)

Some References

I have been thinking recently about other types of work that I really like apart from performance. Appearing in the list were things such as, documentaries like 'Tribal Wives' , films like 'Priscilla Queen of the Desert', and books by Dave Gorman and Danny Wallis, which has made me consider how these interests are affecting my work. 

The main thing that I think attracts me to certain works is when they are about journeys. There is something about watching, reading, or hearing about someone's journey that I find really fascinating. Looking specifically at Dave Gorman and Danny Wallis (who I know aren't everyone's taste); I really like reading their books because they appear so pointless! They set themselves the stupidest set of rules, with no real point to them; they are not aiming to discover some hidden truth or make a comment on anything overtly political, but the set of self-imposed rules then sets in motion an unforeseen chain of events.

More than anything, the most interesting thing about these journeys and unforeseen events, is the people that they meet along the way; the different ways of living, the different stories that every person has to tell. What is it about this that is so interesting? 

Writing my dissertation I spent a lot of time excavating why the notions behind 'liveness' are so important. I have come to the conclusion that there are a lot of presuppositions underpinning this notion; notions of authenticity, community, and presence, based on the fact that it is happening in the 'now', that don't hold that much water any more in the wake of Auslander's writing. Writing my dissertation has made me realise why I create performance. It isn't so much the fact that it is happening in the 'now' that gives performance a sense of authority and worth over other mediaitised forms and this is why I choose to create it, but that I personally like communicating to a group of people in this manner. I think that I like performing and telling a narrative to people who are in front of me, seeing their reaction and perhaps having a discussion with them. This isn't to say that there aren't other ways of achieving this - just performance is my preferred method.

Looking back to my work and Organic Theatre, I am realising that it is once again the process that is prevailing in my interest here. I like being told a story, especially if it includes the journey of how the creator got there. I like knowing motivation, imposed rules, people that were met, things that were discovered - most of the time without any grand statement behind the work. I think that removing the 'dominant message' or 'lesson' that the audience must take away with them from a performance allows the work to be left open to interpretation without having to fragment the narrative so much.  

The journey of my tea stories is important to me and I am considering how develop it in the next couple of weeks. I'm not sure that I am happy with just having tea with people in a park anymore but am struggling with the development. 

I am going to be doing a performance in college next Thursday if anyone is around - would be great to have your opinions. I am going to focus this section on purely tea rather then the process and the tea participants and see what comes out of it.

Any ideas and suggestions as always appreciated

Scratches

So, last week were the scratches at college! We did the first one on Tuesday and then had to reperform something for Thursday, which were held as open performances. 

As I had been really struggling turning my tea conversations into a more traditional style of performance I decided to do one on one performances for Tuesday. I finally managed to do the performance embodying other people's stories. Something that I have been trying to do for weeks.

I enjoyed the performance and some interesting aspects came from doing it. I realised that if I want the conversations to be a performance in their own right I still have a lot of work to do in the framing of the activity. I probably got a lot more out of the experience than the tea takers did! I knew that I was passing on other people's information and stories but this was lost on a lot of the participants due to the fact that I hadn't framed the activity throughly enough.

I really liked that there was a natural progression to the conversations and the stories that were told. I started off my first story by saying that I was an 86 year old woman, then telling an anecdote. This then inspired the tea taker with me at the time to embody the story of their own Grandma and say to me in return "I'm a 96 year old woman". I then retold this story to the next tea taker - who in return became their two and a half year old nephew, and told an anecdote from his perspective. I loved that other people also took this concept on board (and would really like to know from the participants how this felt to them by the way :o) )

The conversations took a turn when one tea taker told a story that was actually about themselves, from then on the theme of memories and people's grandmas emerged but all about themselves, which was great. 

Actually witnessing this progression finally allowed me to see a way to write the show!! The empathy inherent in the telling of stories swung between being someone else and being yourself. The conversations naturally drifted back to being about them rather than embodying another character or person. This really showed me that this is what I have been working towards. Also being able to see how it felt to embody someone else's story finally gave me a hook into the script writing.

I still want to work on this section being a performance on its own, as it is a great way of getting material and has a great deal of performative quality and value for the participant that is yet to be excavated. So any further feed back from people that saw this section would be great as I don't feel as though I have fully explored this option yet.

Anyway, on to Thursday. So, I wrote the show on Wednesday and performed it, unrehearsed, on Thursday; which was incredibly nerve racking but turned out to be the best thing for me. Being under so much pressure by having limited time to write something meant that I couldn't over analyse anything and talk myself out if it. 

There are loads of things that I need to consider now, such as the materials I am using, the delivery of the work, and expanding the script. I feel in a good place to be able to do it though and am working on finding a director to help me with some of this, as it is incredibly hard for me to be subjective about the work. I suppose that is one thing about working from process; you become so embedded in the work and the process of how you got there that it is hard to step out of it again to be subjective and a little cold about it in the editing. 

I got some really helpful feedback from everyone that saw the performance on Thursday but any further thoughts would be greatly appreciated!

P.S big thanks to Harriet for documenting it for me and getting it on the net!

South Bank Tea and The Scratch: Rain, Rain, Rain!

Well... this is what happened to me last week trying to do South Bank Tea...

I got pissed on (haha)! Rain and tea don't go together very well! 

Eventually the sun came out long enough for me to get a two-in-one tea participant outside the Tate Modern.

An amazing lady stopped with a little girl (who had the best suggestions when it came to my project). It turned out that my tea participant had just put up her painting exhibition at the Barbican (the lady not the little girl). We chatted about art and morals, and I tried to explain empathy to a seven year old; which as it turns out is a great way to see whether you truly understand something yourself! 

I did intend to try the 'I'm a 40 year old man' tactic - but my participant didn't need any encouragement in opening up and telling me a story. It was like she had a sixth sense for what I was doing and jumped right in. This lady even gave me an idea for a similar project that she has been thinking of herself, but not being a performer, said she would find it difficult. I now have her card, so you never know where that might lead. I love having tea with strangers - you never know who you are going to meet. 

I think that I definitely want to try and have more conversations with children as my project progresses - Holly (the girl) came up with things that I would never have thought of. I want to spend more time thinking about the potential role of children in this work... but right now have to skip ahead a bit and think about the scratch; so will have to revisit.

I tried to do Oxford Tea this weekend and went on my merry little way to find the Brother's in Yarn in Henly-on-Thames with the hope of having tea with them as part of their project.... the rain came down and stopped the tea and the Brother's in Yarn cancelled the rest of their tour anyway! So no luck this weekend :o(

After feeling a little panicky about this project recently, I have had to take a step back in order to be able to do the scratch. I have been trying to put what I have done so far into a 'show' as that is what I envisage the final show to end up being; this is what I understand the scratch to be for... but it seems to be causing me problems. What is it that is making me panic about the project?

I feel like I have tried to run ahead of myself by putting a 'show' together, it just hasn't happened for me - and now I am worried that the project isn't going to work at all. As Doug would put it "I need talking off a ledge" (which hasn't actually happened for a while)!

Anyway - backing away from the ledge - I have gone back and reread my original proposal that I gave for the diploma stage assessments. One sentence that I wrote really jumped out at me; "The process in creating Organic Theatre is as, if not more important than the final product".

I think that I have simply forgotten that process is the key here. I need to acknowledge where I am at with this project (which is not a bad place to be in as it is progressing) and keep moving forward. I have been trying to drastically change the shape of the work, and force it into something that it isn't yet.

I set up the project in such a way that each stage of the process would be performative in its own right. Each stage organically evolving into the next until it is at a stage where I am happy to put it into a more traditional 'stage show'; which, at this stage, I have to acknowledge, may end up not being the right format for the work. Naturally I am going to encounter problems if I force myself into doing something with the work that isn't right for it at this stage. 

I have decided to stick to one-to-ones for now. I am going to embed the scratch in the process, rather than producing something abstracted from the project specifically for it. I think that it will be interesting to try tea with people that I know and in less of a public setting. 

I also think that now is a good time to get some real feedback on the work that I have been doing to help me progress with the project... and stay back from that ledge!! :o)

Pinpointing the project

I spent all yesterday desperately trying to pinpoint what I am trying to do with this work and how best to represent it in a scratch.

So far I have been really enjoying myself, having tea and chatting with some people around London, but that big 'so what' keeps cropping up for me. I have needed to think about moving the project on and to do that I need to understand exactly where my interest lies to push that aspect further. 

As I mentioned in a previous post Kira O'Reilly suggested that I try and embody people's stories by telling them as my own to see how it feels. This didn't work as it felt so awful to have lied to someone when they were really open and truthful with me. When discussing this problem in the VLP forum last week Doug made a really good suggestion that I simply frame it differently. If I don't pretend that I am telling the truth about me then it is not as deceitful. As I have previously mentioned, I was really looking forward to embodying different ages, classes, races and genders. Doug suggested that I make this a little more explicit in the same way that Tim Crouch does and state "I am a 40 year old man" - this will instantly allow the participant to know that the story is not my own. 

So, back to the 'so what'! Why do I feel compelled to want to do this so much? Yesterday Rich suggested a book for me by Grant Kester. I have actually been reading an essay by Kester in a different book but Rich's suggestion made me go back and pick it up again yesterday. Rereading the text I began to pick up on the theme of empathy and once again remembered my tutorial with Kira. It is what happens whilst relating to someone that interests me, how you tell stories to understand and how you have to have empathy to relate to someone's story.  I think that the following quote is the best summation of what I am aiming to do with my project,

"Rather than entering into communicative exchange with the goal of representing "self" through the advancement of already formed opinions and judgements , a connected knowledge is grounded in our capacity to identify with other people. It is through empathy that we learn literally to redefine self: to both know and feel our connectedness with others."

(G. Kester: Conversation Pieces The role of Dialogue in Socially-Engaged Art 1998)

Rather than representing my own opinions and beliefs in this project I think that I want to find a way to physically represent how I understand the exchanges, and maybe how the participants have understood the project. Maybe by telling the stories as my own this will enable me to see a way in. 

I have also been thinking a lot about the 'Emancipated Spectator' by Ranciere. It is a text that I am now using a lot in my dissertation - I am only just getting to grips with the bloody thing! Anyways, I have been thinking a lot about ways of knowing, community and difference. The thing that makes us equal is that we are all unequal, we are all different. I am never going to be a 40 year old man, so what is happening with the empathy there? 

I'm going to do Southbank Tea today... if the rain holds off! I am aiming to gather enough material to put something together for the scratch next week. I have decided on a plan of action but we'll see what comes out of today before I get any further.

Wimbledon Tea

Last week I had tea in Wimbledon before a VLP forum. I have become very aware that I need to work really hard on this and keep up the project or it is in danger of falling on its arse! (I have such a way with words don't I!?)

Anyway, I finally got some women to sit with me! I am going to write mostly about this next lady as she not only was amazing but helped me to think about what i am doing.

This tea participant felt compelled to sit with me once I told her that I was doing a theatre project as she is on the board of a theatre in Wimbledon. On the way to meet her granddaughter herself she was thrilled that I wanted to do a project inspired by my own Grandma and was more than happy to talk about that. 

We discussed why Grandmas can be so influential in our lives. She told me that she had been raised by her Grandma during WWII. We talked about her grandchildren and her relationship with them... she has a very theatrical family :o) 

We hit upon the subject of narrative; something which I am beginning more and more to focus on. My Tea buddy told me that she is all for abstract theatre with no narrative, but feels it is like looking at a beautiful abstract painting... it needs explaining to her! I said that I knew the feeling; which led us on to talking about what was important in theatre... wouldn't we all like to know the answer to that one at the moment! This lady stated that no other art form is more about being human than theatre, and what better way to express our experience than in story telling! I totally agreed with her... which is when I decided that it is time to move this project on.

I feel like the 'first phase' of this project is completed and need to analyse that a bit to work out the 'second phase'.  I feel like I know that people will sit and talk with me, and that the majority of the conversations will be about relationships. I need to work out what I want to focus on and how to put the material that I have so far into something that resembles a performance for the scratch. 

Soho Square Tea

Today was really different from last time that I had tea. I only had time for two people - which didn't matter to me. Even one person in a day is a bonus... "please don't let me keep you" was the phrase of the day - even though I had invited them to have tea with me.!!

Been on my own and not sat with another person was the key I think,  (Stevie sat with me last time). Sally was sat in the park though taking the pictures and watching me. I was really grateful as there were a lot of strange people out and about today. It was good to know that I had help if I needed it (thank you Sally). Have decided not to do this alone. Both people sat with me for an hour each and had a really good chat. I am totally exhausted!

If I tell you something about me, I was wondering whether you could tell me something about you in return. I'm a theatre practitioner and am gathering material to help me write my show for my MA... I have a three year old son. He has only just met his dad. His dad has been away travelling but recently came back into our lives. My son was a bit cautious at first, but as soon as his dad produced toys and sweets he was practically his best friend - you'd think he'd never not been there:

He took off his glasses and looked me in the eyes; in one instant I tried to understand what it meant to have his four year old daughter taken away from him. To have an ex that can make your life hell, to be homeless and have to live in a hostel, and to loose your job - all in one year. A dad that has had five wives and tells him he is nothing more than a chip off the old block... still you have to stay positive don't you. My neighbours don't say hi to me in the hostel. Just saying good morning to someone helps lift my spirits for the day doesn't it!? - people in London aren't so friendly... I have the same name as his mum but the Portuguese equivalent. He was so taken with this that half an hour later he came back to find me with some documents of his mother's just to prove it to me. 

Does your son live with you then... ... ... Yeah

There was no way I could re tell this story as if it were my own to the next person that sat with me. I decided to go back to a good honest chat and come back to the whole embodying someone's story idea later.

Translator, blues musician, and just wanted to make me laugh. I now have an array of jokes that I should 'use in my show' - as well as plenty of dating tips, apparently it was the Egyptians who were the expert in courtship and there are 5 rules that you should follow if you want to win a woman over! He was really open with me. We compared relationships, how to take tea (I have been given a new tip on making that apparently is better than drinking Red Bull! apparently mine is too weak), families, our views on the art of conversation, and why it is so important that people laugh.

Tea participant number two also gave me a gift to try out (incase you can't tell from the picture it is one of those chewing gum packets that when you pull the gum a mouse trap thing snaps your finger - but this one has a rubber cockroach on it) haha I love it - I was really touched that he wanted me to take something away... as well as the rest of his jokes!

Again though, the theme of the day was relationships. The strangest this was that I didn't direct the conversation, and it was a topic that they wanted to talk about very openly. Sex, affairs, heartbreak, warts and all. 

I think that it is because when talking to a perfect stranger what else do you have in common? The fact that we all connect with someone... is that an incredibly cheesy thing to say and focus on?

I can't think of a title!

Just thought that I would write a quick blog before I pass out after only just getting in from work.

Just flicking around the net and came across this great sounding project called Brother's in Yarn
it is basically two men that are about to walk to London (from somewhere far away sounding), with no money, and telling stories along the way. They are raising money for charity and are professional story tellers. I think that this sounds like a great project!!

It feels to me as if narrative in a more traditional sense is making a bit of a come back at the moment. Practitioners and artists have been really wary about using linear narratives for a long time. It has just got me thinking about what is changing, and the value of story telling, as it is becoming a big part of my practice.

Also wanted to write how much I enjoyed Kira O'Reilly's talk and tutorial today. I found it really exciting to hear her talk about her own work. I have studied her practice for years - she even featured in my BA dissertation (not that I would tell her that hehe how sad would I sound!?). I couldn't get to see her work when I was at the NRLA, but it was so great for me to hear what she thought about her own work. I have only ever read what other people think about it!!

The tutorial was helpful. I am beginning to pin down why the project is interesting to me and where my focus is.

I am having tea in Soho Square tomorrow if all goes well. Am going to try a bench this time. Kira made a really good suggestion that I think I am going to try out. She suggested that I ask people to tell me a story about something that happened in their lives, then re-tell the story to the next person that sits with me as if it were my own. I am really excited about trying this out as I think that it will be a great way to generate script material and be more performative in itself.

I have been struggling with writing the initial script. However, after thinking on my tutorial, I have decided to write a small anecdote from my Grandma's life and tell it in first person. I am curious to see whether a theme will develop from the day, whether people will tell a similar story back to me and this will inform the next one and so on. You all know I love my identity politics so am really excited to see how it feels to tell a story in a different gender, age, class and try and own it - even if the words don't fit.


Fingers crossed for me I'm a bit nervous

Something worth thinking about..

Whilst researching on the internet I came across this article on the Guardian Arts Blog

I think that it is something worth thinking about both in terms of my practice and research. Why is it that people increasingly want to engage with their audience on such a personal level? There seems to be a surge of practitioners trying to create 'real' intimacy where the audience is having more and more of a realised input into the actual work. Whether this is in the form of confessional pieces, or in the case of Caroline Smith's new work providing information to actually make the show. 

Considering this has been interesting in terms of what I am practically trying to achieve at the moment. My work is very much situated in between the conceptual nature of the confessional, and the gathering of material that Caroline is doing (although in a different manner as I am leaving the organic nature of the encounters to dictate the show which leaves the themes much more open ended at this point). 

As Lyn Gardner states though, it is an enforced intimacy, an illusion of intimacy in a lonely world. So what does this say about the practitioners making the work and the audience willing to partake in it? What does the work say about the culture we live in?

For my essay I am shifting focus a little (AGAIN! haha). I am considering the intimacy produced in organic theatre (and indeed some one on one performances). I want to try and look at the culture we live in through the lens of these performances. hmmm

I believe that the organic nature of the work and the way that the audience are incorporated into the work produces an almost cult following. You feel intimate with the practitioner, you feel as though they are letting you in on a secret. Like you know them, their inner workings, both personally and as an artist working as they are letting you in on the process.  You are really part of somehthing. But how is this effect produced and why?

In terms of a live event there is often an authority attached to it. A belief that you are having an authentic experience due to the visceral and temporal nature of the exchange. However, I believe that the mechanisms used to produce this effect and to draw in an audience are the same as the ones that are at work in media and celebrity culture. The intimacy is no more real than feeling that you know Ant and Dec. 

Our culture is one where knowledge about a person or 'persona' is ubiquitous. We have easy, instant access to personal lives, the career development of 'personas', and the inner workings of the films or television programmes that these 'celebrities' are working on (behind the scenes). I would like to argue that the livesness and intimacy inherent in Organic Theatre has no more authority or authenticity than that of celebrity, media culture. 

A continuation of Auslander's argument where the ontological nature of liveness and mediatisation is blurred but with a focus on intimacy and authenticity. 

I love that I argue with myself constantly and my own ideals! God Dam! :o)

Brushing my teeth this morning I had a thought...

Not knowing where this is going…

Transformation. Obsession. Knowing that people are going to get to see in. Trying to write and having nothing to say, so cementing obsessions instead.

Making home made tomato soup today. 

Making my own dress tomorrow. 

Serving people all night tonight.

Wasn’t there a programme called ‘1940’s House’?

A transformation. How much of someone can you really take in?

Watching Ginger Rogers. Changing my hair. How did it feel to wear a corset everyday? Not having the money to buy stockings so painting black lines down the back of my legs instead and hoping that no one noticed. That I had gotten them straight – I’m not the only one on the street who does this!

Day dreaming, wishing I had a different life whilst painting my nails, with a baby on my knee.

Getting up this morning I chased the mice out of the kitchen. I got my breakfast and sat in front of the radio. Changed nappies. Hand scrubbed my whites, and thought about nuclear war, about going to the moon, a supermarket trolley full of foreign goods, and all of the other actualities that no body had ever dreamed of.

Washing my hair with soap in the shower. Get it Setting, brushed my teeth with bicarbonate of Soda - then I'll blog it all down.